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Beyond the Birds and the Bees
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| Enabling our children to make good sexual choices is a daunting task, especially in our current twisted culture. It means much more than just giving correct information. As Gregory Popcak states in Beyond the Birds and the Bees: “Fostering your children’s sexuality really means teaching your children—through word and example—how to be loving, responsible, joyful, respectful, cooperative, spiritual, communicative, fully functioning human persons from the day they emerge from the womb, so that when you finally do have ‘the talk,’ everything will fall into place.” Without the necessary virtues to live a wholesome sexual life, “your children’s sexuality will be disordered no matter what you tell them.”
The greatest strength of Mr. Popcak’s book is his emphasis on establishing a living context for teaching children about life and love. He not only explains this challenge for parents, but he also lays out steps for facing this challenge and handling it gloriously. Starting with a clear explanation of the problem and the solution, he helps the parents to evaluate how ready they are to provide this living context and how they need to strengthen their marriage and family program. He offers the tools parents need to go from where they are to where they want to be as family educators.
One fascinating tool that the author offers is the family mission statement, which helps parents and children together identify how they want their family to develop. Some of the tools seem abstract, like “practice a generous Spirit of service,” but the author provides great practical tips from lived experience and from his family counseling practice.
Another great feature of the book is a lively explanation of why the Catholic understanding of sex is so much more vital, satisfying, and livable than what our culture recommends. For the sake of parents who are trying to teach, he explains this, as much as possible, in terms that a young child could understand.
With all this crucial material covered, the author gets down to the nuts and bolts of just how to explain sex to children. He does this with the acronym RESPECT:
• Realize what they need to know and when,
• Elicit your child’s thoughts, attitudes, and feelings,
• Speak the truth,
• Present a positive, Christian attitude toward sex,
• Expect to talk about your own struggles when appropriate,
• Control your temper and the temptation to lecture, and
• Teach your child what the gift of the body is for.
These seven points, and the explanations with them, are worth the price of the book all by themselves.
Like most books, Beyond the Birds and the Bees has some weaknesses. The author opposes all corporal punishment, which may be jarring to some parents. If 15-year-olds have shown that they are able to have non-romantic friendships with peers of the opposite gender, he feels they should be allowed to date. Parents who think dating is part of seeking a marriage partner may think this is far too young. Mr. Popcak also suggests that children who are not taught to use words to express anger or affection will later have no choice but to act out violently or sexually. This is certainly an overstatement.
Even with some flaws, however, this book is a real treasure for parents who want their children to grow up healthy and happy in a culture that has lost its way. I wish I had been given a copy 37 years ago when my wife and I began the awesome journey of parenthood.
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